coward

 

leaving behind candy coated hums of your favourite song in my head

It’s crazy how this distance, somehow is so dramatically put

you walk alongside the bunch of others who are too busy waving back at the building when it is the- 

earworm, unpleasantly repeating, taking up space so much so i feel familiarity yet again  

a lump in my throat starts to grow, subduing the one from before 

click and chimes of your keychain nail me down all the way to the

end of the street- it’s tough

the ground beneath me moves slightly to mock me, to make me remember my place 

and to shut up this instance

say it already

It’ll be easier,

MERELY WORDS.

  MERELY WORDS

     MERELY WORDS

my eyes 

                      try,

momentarily, to find yours, 

the audacity.

would it have gone differently if i hadn’t shoved my eyelids shut when i sensed you looking right above my cheeks

i am filled with angst it is raining inside of me even when I can barely see you 

you appear to me as an angel, i cannot even hate you now

it’s a relief the others havent caught up with us so i-

    Are

           you 

  frowning?

my lungs and ribs adjust inside of me while my hand trembles with the inevitable fear of never being able to look at you again

so i rush words

i rush words in so sudden, they sound like paper bombs to my ears

THE SKY WAS SO BLUE TODAY, WHERE DID IT GO WRONG

my breath thickens with every passing second

hell, i’m not even sure it is oxygen i’m breathing

hey?

i’m trying to save something here, can you say something? anything? 

why aren’t you running for the hills

               why haven’t you already mocked me away like you have been for the past 3 years 

                         why haven’t you ridiculed my words 

     why are you upset? 

Somewhere an artist sets up a canvas

my eyes are stuck on that keychain which just wouldn’t stop making chimes, i hate it ,please say something- move or nudge i cant bring myself to look UP AT YOUR EYES

I know i should’ve 

should have waited outside the restroom longer

should have played that song a little louder

should have bought that one last ice-cream to see you smile brighter

smile harder

no doubt you are so upset 

no doubt you’re frowning 

why now, why today, why when this has to be the last memory of us, why when we have to part ways for the last time, why did of all days, being in this god awful place i chose today

to tell you this  

“Dummy.”, you say

and the others catch up.